Tuesday, 1 August 2017

A Memory, Already

It was a little after lunch at work when I received a text message from my husband saying that Chester Bennington was no more.

My first reaction was to laugh. Naturally, disbelief has taken over and I refused to give in to the idea that something so ridiculous can even take place.

I stopped what I was doing and set out to look it up on Google, to prove to my husband that it was a hoax, obviously.

To my utter shock, it wasn't.

How many times I had listened to their music and told myself that one day, some day for sure, I will go to their concert? That I will sing along to these beloved songs of mine, love, with them? That with my own two eyes, I will see Chester sing, and jump, and run from one end of the stage to the other?

I wasn't always very musically savvy. I could never keep up with the latest trends in music unless someone pointed out to me what was new in the music scene. It was my cousin who had introduced me to the music of Linkin Park. The very first song I had heard was "Nobody's Listening". It had a vibe that reminded me slightly of Japanese music (I AM an anime fan, after all). I was hooked. My interest piqued. Who were these guys? I wanted to know more.

Over the years, Linkin Park was the only band that stayed with me, or rather, they were the only band I stayed with. Since the day I first heard their song, I had been a fan. Even after their album, Minutes to Midnight, came out, and a majority of people were complaining that their music had changed, I stayed. I watched them grow together, and help people through their music. I won't lie, their music helped me find some meaning through the tumultuous stage of teenage. When I could not express myself or figure out exactly how or what I felt, it was their music that gave words to emotions that I didn't know how to put a finger on. When I used to sing their songs with my cousin, it was Chester's parts that I voiced.

Listening to their songs now pains me, every single time. It is difficult to face the fact that the voice I am hearing is no more.

I can't believe that already more than a week has passed by, that Chester is gone from us. I still find it hard to imagine this reality. I am no good at expressing grief, so I don't quite have the words to truly convey how it feels to me. I'll end my post today with a Linkin Park song that I feel is most appropriate, to say goodbye...

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?
So, if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

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