Monday, 29 July 2013

Only a Second Option

I am right here. All you need to do is just look. Just reach out once, and you'll find me. You'll see me waiting, maybe a little impatiently, but with a lot of hope. All it takes is but a wish on your part, to see me, to hear me, to know that I am here.
But apparently its too much to ask for. Because you are busy with your life, and I just stand at the sidelines. Because the only time you remember me is when
you want to use me for something. You need something done, and you call upon me then and then only. And I naively answer your call, knowing in my heart that it won't be any different than the last time, yet still refusing to believe i could be used by someone, anyone, in such a way.
When will I learn that to you I am nothing more than another option that can be used? I am so stupid.
No, not stupid. But lonely.
That is why I answer your call. Because I like it when you are attentive to me, even if for a certain while. I like the admiration your bestow upon me, even though its fake, because no one else does it as well as you do. No one else wants to, but you do it, and your fake indulgence is mistaken by me as the real thing.
There's nothing to your credit, you know? This doesn't happen because you are such a clever actor. No.
It happens because I let you. Because otherwise I fear I will be adrift in the vast sea of nothingness, lost in the place where no one will want me, and it scares me.
I let you use me because I am afraid.

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