Sunday, 19 February 2012

Breaking Away


She was not this type of girl. She was never like this. She was the kind of person who used to take lead. She used to make plans, instead of following someone else’s one blindly. When in a group, she would make people carry out their duties, when they began to fall short. That was the type of girl that she was.
But then, something change.
Whether it was her personality, or her mind, or her heart, no one knows. That is not the kind of thing that someone can actually notice properly until much later on. But there was an air of change around her, and that was noticeable. It could not be seen clearly at first, but slowly, gradually, it began to take shape, and became clearer and clearer day by day.
It looked as if that she started to become afraid of something. What it was that scared her, no one knew. But the girl did, or she seemed to. You see, the girl began to get frightened by life itself, and the changes that it brought to her doorstep day by day. She started to get scared of the reality of everyday life, and with it, she started to develop a fear of all the newer tasks that she was supposed to shoulder. It was not as if she was afraid to perform her duties. That did not make her feel uncomfortable. The problem with the girl was that she was fearful of making some sort of mistake in her responsibilities. She did not want to be humiliated, and she was constantly embarrassed by her thoughts of what might happen if she ever made a mistake.
So, in her quest to never make a single mistake, she gradually began to shy away from her regular tasks. Slowly, she even stopped doing the sort of things in which she was a natural, the sort of things that she could perform easily and effortlessly. This, in turn, made her sad, as she slowly realized that now she could not even carry out the activities which used to be her favorite hobbies.
Little by little, the girl, wallowing in self pity, began to form a cocoon of clear crystal around her, forming layers upon layers on it as days passed by. The clear surface of her crystallized cocoon let her see the days pass by, yet it kept her away from it. She saw from her safe but pitiful state how, slowly but surely, life unfolded around her, and yet she could never become a part of it, for her fears griped her too tightly. What if she could not cope with so much bustling? What if she could not find a way in this place that was so full of life, and therefore be lost forever?
So she kept on staring outside, while she was held as a prisoner in a cage that she made herself out of all her fears and misgivings. She passed her time in a dreamlike state, not asleep, yet not alive either. And life passed on around her.
And then suddenly, she began to remember. She began to remember her life the way it was, before she built her cocoon of crystal. She began to remember all the fun she had, trying different things. She remembered how in the past, making mistakes never stopped her from trying again. She remembered how she was never afraid to do things, although she was skeptical sometimes. But what she remembered most, more than any other thing, was how ALIVE she used to feel before, compared to her present state of being, and how GOOD that feeling was.
It was as if she had woken up from a deep slumber, as if she was sleeping for many years like Sleeping Beauty. It was as if, for the first time, she seemed to notice her surroundings, notice how cramped her existence had become and how small the space was around her. She could still feel the fear in herself, prickling her senses. But she neglected that tingling sensation for the time being, understanding that fear can never be an option to stay away from the most important thing: life, and reality.
The girl inhaled deeply. What she was about to do made her nervous, but it also made her courageous at the same time. She remembered the exhilaration that she once used to feel, before going to do something. With a deep breath, she broke apart her crystallized shelter which had isolated her for so long and came out of her protective barrier.
There was so much to see, so much to do! The girl silently rebuked herself for being cooped up for so long by her own fears, in her own lonely dungeon. While she kept herself locked away, life had passed by. She had missed so much. She decided that she had to make up for her lost time. And this time, she would not let her fears get in her way. She smiled at that thought as she took her first tentative step in the big world once again.

3 comments:

  1. when I started to read the post, I was like, ok, interesting start. but as I was reading further I was becoming more and more sad !! the thought of not making any mistake is a mistake itself !! we are humans. we are bound to make mistakes !! and you over-think almost everything !!
    but when I was reading the last paragraph, I found myself smiling and saying to myself, "yes !! that's the spirit, keep it up girl.!!"

    I know you can do that !! (Y) goodluck !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me!

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  2. Fear is not a solution to anything. We learn from our mistakes, so don't ever be afraid of making mistakes. It makes us more human. I'm happy to read the last part. I know my girl is strong, and will go a long way, no matter what.

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